At the start of this year, I hired a new assistant, I’ll call her Amy. She’s actually very good at her job, and after a few months I even gave her a raise because I felt she deserved more for the work she was doing. Recently I’ve been handling a few big deals, so I trusted her to take the lead on one of them. She handled it really well and I was impressed with her progress.
Last week I scheduled a lunch meeting with the client from that deal. I told him ahead of time that I would bring Amy since she had done a lot of work on the account, and he was fine with it. During the lunch she was professional, knew her stuff, and overall did a great job. Both the client and I were happy with how the meeting was going, except for one small thing that felt a bit awkward.
The client and I both ordered simple meals, just burgers and fries. Amy, on the other hand, ordered a well-done steak, mashed potatoes, vegetables, and even a soup on the side. Because of that, the client and I finished eating at the same time, but we had to sit there for another 10–15 minutes while she finished her food. Then when the waitress asked about dessert, both the client and I said no, but Amy ordered cheesecake and coffee.
After the meeting, I realized I had never talked to her about how client lunches usually work, so I pulled her aside privately. I explained that in business settings it’s usually better to follow the client’s lead. If the client orders something simple, we should keep it simple too. If they skip dessert, we skip dessert. If we want something more, we can always get it later. I told her it wasn’t about the money, because I don’t mind paying for lunch at all, it’s just about keeping the meeting comfortable and professional.
She didn’t react the way I expected. At first she offered to pay me back for the meal, but I told her again that the cost wasn’t the problem. I even explained that I usually order things like wraps or burgers at meetings because they’re easy to eat and don’t make a mess, and it helps keep the conversation flowing without awkward pauses.
Then she suddenly got emotional and said it’s because she’s overweight and people judge her for what she eats. I told her that wasn’t what I meant at all, and that this was just business advice. I even shared some embarrassing mistakes I made earlier in my career, like ordering spaghetti at a meeting and spilling sauce on my shirt, or ordering food before a client and accidentally picking something they found offensive.
Even after that, she still seemed upset when she left. Now I feel bad for bringing it up, because my intention was honestly to help her improve since I think she has a lot of potential. The lunch itself didn’t bother me as much as the fact that she didn’t take the feedback well.
Now I’m wondering if I was wrong for saying anything at all, or if this is just something that needed to be said.